[0:00:00] Emily: Hi there friend and welcome to this week’s episode of the R. F. W. P. Where we are seeking truth and finding God’s heart. We are so glad that you are our fellow sister seekers and that you’re here listening to this episode as we jump in and talk more about the love of God. My name is Emily Louis and I’m here with my co host
[0:00:25] Lois: Lois Mcnair. Hi guys,
[0:00:29] Emily: so today I’m starting us off with a quote and I think you’re gonna love it.
[0:00:35] Lois: I’m going to love the quote.
[0:00:36] Emily: You’re going to love it.
[0:00:38] Lois: Okay, what’s your quote what you got for me today?
[0:00:42] Emily: So this was a tweet by Laura jean Truman. A friend of mine shared it but she says in the tweet my pastor suggested we stop calling it quote the story of the woman caught in adultery and start calling it quote the story of the men caught in hypocrisy.
[0:01:04] Lois: I saw that, I saw that this week and I was like talk about a new twisting the narrative,
[0:01:13] Emily: right? What you focus on matters
[0:01:16] Lois: good. Yes, Yes. And I’m not saying that she wasn’t a participant but but oh my goodness! I have heard I have heard several pastors over the years say um where was the guy? You know? And I always appreciated that. But that’s so good. So we’re changing the name of the sermon from the woman caught in adultery too. The men caught in hypocrisy. Yeah, because they were trying to trick jesus. That’s such a good quad. Good. Mhm.
[0:01:55] Emily: So what’s your micro joy?
[0:01:57] Lois: My micro joy. Okay, so my micro joy this week or one of them, but my main one is that um we have connected with a creative and I’m not going to give her name yet because not everything is solidified. But we’ve connected with the creative and work through some sketches and we are working on merch for the R. F. W. P. Specifically. So excited
[0:02:30] Emily: before you even sent that stuff to the graphic designer. I was in love with your ideas for merch. Like I already want one of everything.
[0:02:40] Lois: I’m so excited. I really hadn’t taken time in a long time to just sit down and kind of let my thoughts flow. You know I think I probably apologize like 10 times to our creative designer when I was sending stuff because this person is a real artist and I’m just a you know take the pencil to the sketch pad and try to make it look readable. But yeah I’m pretty I’m pretty excited.
[0:03:12] Emily: Yeah can’t wait
[0:03:13] Lois: and I’m so excited with what she has done with things so far. It’s gonna be
[0:03:20] Emily: great. It’s going
[0:03:21] Lois: to be amazing. Yeah. I’m really hoping that we I’m hoping to have some merch um at our at our meet up in Missouri for those of you that are coming. I’m hoping
[0:03:35] Emily: that yes, yes,
[0:03:36] Lois: do that by that by then. At least a few things we’ll
[0:03:39] Emily: see.
[0:03:42] Lois: Speaking of. Speaking of, oh wait, I can’t go there yet because you have to give your Michael Joy. Michael, Michael Joy your I can’t say that for all you. Michael’s out there. Yes, we think you’re a joy. Okay for your micro joy. That’s hard to say. Uh
[0:04:04] Emily: huh. You know, I I’m having the hardest time picking what my micro joy is this week, so I’m going to give you three, three. Yes. Okay. I got to take my girls on their first hike with my mom. We went into a mountain lake and then yesterday we hiked into a ghost town. Amazing! Have fun! The second one Oh 50th episode on my podcast this week.
[0:04:36] Lois: So exciting. That’s awesome. Yes, I was so excited. You were celebrating 50 episodes on abundant Grace podcast. That’s fantastic. Emily
[0:04:49] Emily: thanks. It’s fun. I’m just thankful for the opportunity and all of the opportunities. It’s, that has come with it. And then the 3rd 1 is We the Kingdoms Waking up. I love that song, it’s amazing. So I couldn’t just take
[0:05:11] Lois: one. I love everything that we, the kingdom has been doing this past year and I literally just added, I think their whole album and if it, the whole album didn’t upload, then at least a few songs and then people can go find it. But I uploaded that to my um, my Spotify worship list that’s on our website.
[0:05:35] Emily: Amazing Ossa. Yeah,
[0:05:39] Lois: those are great micro Joyce. That’s cool. Okay, we’ll wait after. Just tell you we skipped something extremely important in last week’s episode and when I realized it, I’m like, I couldn’t sleep at night. We had
[0:05:59] Emily: missed
[0:06:02] Lois: that. We had missed this. But Emily, you did not tell a dad joke last week.
[0:06:08] Emily: I honestly think it’s been like two or 3 weeks.
[0:06:12] Lois: Oh no, don’t say that. You’ll cost me a lack of sleep.
[0:06:16] Emily: Well. You want to hear 1?
[0:06:18] Lois: Yes, we need a dad joke. There’s nothing better than mom’s at dad jokes.
[0:06:24] Emily: Okay, what is the most groundbreaking invention of all time?
[0:06:33] Lois: The most groundbreaking invention, invention of all time? I am so afraid to ask what
[0:06:43] Emily: the shovel Uh huh Mhm I’m sorry. That’s so bad,
[0:06:49] Lois: So bad. It’s so bad. That one is almost as bad as brian’s dad jokes from the recovering fundamentalist podcast.
[0:06:59] Emily: Oh man, that live episode they did a month or so ago. Probably longer than that. I howled the whole time. They were so funny, all three of the guys. Yeah,
[0:07:13] Lois: so I have a challenge, this is what I was going to talk about a minute ago, but I need all of our listeners to help us with something, come on, so we are going to be in Missouri at the R. F. P fam meet up at the end of august, you and I are going to be there, I’m looking forward to meeting people, seeing people and connecting. And we’re going to also record while we’re there and invite those that want to to come and hang out with us, why we do a live recording there during that Emily, I think that you and BRian should have a dad joke face off on our podcast.
[0:08:04] Emily: Yes, oh that would be so fun,
[0:08:08] Lois: we’re trying to keep a straight face and yes, so what we need you guys to do is we need you to get on social media, even though brian doesn’t always get on social media but
[0:08:20] Emily: probably twitter,
[0:08:21] Lois: twitter um maybe on facebook and we need you to just tell brian you’re really looking forward to the dad joke face off at the end of august,
[0:08:36] Emily: yep. And if he doesn’t know what it is, send him to this week’s episode.
[0:08:41] Lois: Yes, because we haven’t asked him if he would do it. We’re just throwing down the gauntlet like we, we want to confuse him so don’t give him too many details. Just say hey at brian Edwards, we’re really looking forward to the dad joke face off between you and Emily at the end of august we’ll just really confuse him. Uh huh
[0:09:08] Emily: I can’t wait how to be trolling so bad. Yeah
[0:09:13] Lois: maybe they should, maybe they should at brian and also you and the podcast. Yeah,
[0:09:22] Emily: I love it.
[0:09:24] Lois: So yeah, that will be something fun to look forward.
[0:09:27] Emily: Yeah, I am so excited to be able to sit down in person again and meet people and all of the things. Yeah, for today I’m really excited about today’s topic. This was your idea and I am thrilled to jump in on the love languages and how that can impact our relationships specifically our relationship with God. So for anybody who wants a refresher on the love languages, do you want to give us an overview of what that means?
[0:10:02] Lois: Yeah, absolutely. You know, you mentioned refresher and I love that but it it really surprises me um how many people have not heard of the five love languages? So I want to give credit where credit is due and dr Gary chapman who is a long time counselor, pastor psychologist. Um just really studied and wrote the initial book years and years ago and now you’ve got not only the five Love languages, but you’ve got the five Love languages of Children. You have the five Love languages of your teen, the five Love languages um, in marriage, five love languages, uh, for singles. And it just walks everyone through basically what the five love languages are and then how we can incorporate those into our lives and and what it does with our relationships with with others. So, mm we thought that since last week we talked about loving well that we would just take it a step further and be more specific about another way to love well. And one of those ways is to know your love language, to know the love languages of those around you. And um, and express those, right, The five Love Languages. Our physical Touch Words of affirmation. Quality time gifts and acts of service. And what I want to clarify, like, right from the beginning is when we talk about languages for those of you that are are new to this concept. When we talk about the Love Languages, we’re talking about the way that you personally best receive love. And some people may have all five love languages, but they are few and far between. The majority of us have one or 2. Primary love language is and basically that is how you best receive the I love you in your life,
[0:12:29] Emily: right?
[0:12:29] Lois: Whether it’s words of affirmation, um and we’ll get into a little bit more detail in a minute, but it’s basically how you receive love the best way.
[0:12:42] Emily: Mhm. Right. And what they talk about in like Ross Campbell talks about in the Love Languages of Children that he co authored with Gary chapman, The Love tank, What makes your love tank feel full because someone in your life can be encouraging you and telling you what a great job you’re doing and thanking you and your love tank could be super full if words of affirmation fills you up, but if you are acts of service kind of person, you might be thinking, could you please stop complimenting me and just go do the dishes for me next time or whatever. Um Your love language is kind of fills your tank. So this helps us to be aware of how we need to take what we need to ask for, to fill ourselves up and how we can look at the people around us and go, oh, I know this loved one is quality time. So I’m going to carve out time to just sit and be still with this person, even if my natural instinct might be to serve them well. Mhm.
[0:13:57] Lois: Yeah, so I know that these um are pretty self explanatory, but I want to take just a second, so to talk about that. So, physical touch. Um and I’ve heard Gary speak live, and one of the things that he mentions about this, whether you’re in a relationship or you’re in a marriage, the physical touch means in a non sexual way, it just means, you know, hug, or if somebody puts their hand on your shoulder, and of course, we’re talking about in a healthy way, but physical touch says, I love you to some more than if you walked up and said, do you know I love you. And the second one is words of affirmation, and That’s just basically if I were to say to you Emily, I am so excited for you, I’m so proud of you for 50 episodes on your abundant grace podcast. Now, if if you are a words of affirmation person, that is just hollering to you, you know, Lois loves me as a friend and you know, but but you’re your main one is quality Time,
[0:15:22] Emily: right? Which doesn’t mean that the words don’t make you feel good if it’s not your primary, but it was like, oh, that was nice, but it might not fill you up as much as your primary love language,
[0:15:34] Lois: right? And then the third one, of course, is quality time, and that is spending time with someone not just sitting on the couch, both watching tv at the time at the same time, but but maybe, you know, that is a part of it. Maybe you just need to be near that person, but some people’s quality time, they want to have conversation and just spending time with someone says, I love you more than the person standing there saying, I love you. And it’s not that we don’t feel all of these things like you mentioned, some just hit us stronger than others. Then we have gifts and it doesn’t even have to necessarily be a monetary gift. Even though a monetary gift does say I love you to those who receive love by receiving gifts, it should, it could just be something that you made for them or just, you know, The gift of, of kindness, it can be, it can be varied and then acts of service is the 5th love language and acts of service is basically just um like you said earlier, yeah, you can tell me all day long that you love me and I need to hear that, that’s good. But if my primary love language is acts of service and I come home from a 40 hour work week and I’m tired and I walk in and not only has the laundry been done, but it’s folded or whatnot that says to me, you thought of me today, you thought of me, this is not your wheelhouse and you stepped up and did something for me, served me in a certain way. Um, and so it’s not that we don’t feel all five of these at different times, but you will feel one. And I’m just going to tell you real quick. Some of you may be wondering, you know, I heard about five love languages a long time ago or this or that or some of you may be brand new to it. And if you’ll just go to five Love languages dot com, you can take a short survey um, and learn a little bit more about that. I just want to make sure you guys know that that that that resource is available. But that’s just kind of a little bit of each one of those five love languages and some of you are probably already thinking, oh, that’s me. And just a reminder, we have a tendency to love other people or show love to other people in our primary love language. And that’s not what we’re talking about. We show love to other people by finding out their primary love language. And what says I love you to them. My tendency is going to be, you know, for example, if I’m quality time, then my tendency is going to be, you know, I want to spend time with you, I want to spend time with you and all and they will love that. But if that’s not their primary love language, you know, so we tend to to do things for other people with our primary love language and the difference that it makes when we find out what the other person’s love languages, whether it’s a spouse or a child or a parent or a friend, whatever it is, then we are speaking love. Well, we are loving them well because where we’re listening and getting to no them and know that about them. So they feel loved by us.
[0:19:37] Emily: I’d love to talk about to the parents when we’re talking about kids. One of the things that stood out to me when I read 5, 5 love languages of Children was especially when we have to correct our kids and there’s some kind of punishment involved to be really aware of their primary love language. So if your kids primary love language is gifts and you say, I’m taking away your new bike for a weekend for this punishment or something, that kid is going to feel it way different than maybe the rebuke or if you have to rebuke your kid, they gave this specific example of if your kids primary love language is like physical touch, reinforce your love for them by maybe rubbing on their shoulder while you’re talking to them, not that you can’t rebuke them because we all need rebuke sometimes, but to reinforce their their love tank to fill their love tank at the same time, so that we are demonstrating the unconditional love because we don’t want to accidentally make them feel like our love is conditional on their behavior in the way that we respond to the MS misbehavior.
[0:21:02] Lois: Right, That’s so good. And since you mentioned the Children’s book by Gary chapman and ross Campbell, um Ross Campbell is from the Chattanooga area and started counseling services there. And his work with Children is just uh, the things that, that they’ve discovered and that they’ve done over the years has just been phenomenal and like we said, these are not new books. Um but for some of you, this may be a new concept, but one of the things that regarding Children is, and I found this as a teacher and I used to give a workshop and now I found out that Gary chapman has co written with an educator about classroom discipline based on the love languages. And I was like, man, I knew I should have talked to him about that several years ago because, you know, I had thought of that almost like, well, you know, you snooze you lose,
[0:21:58] Emily: right, but
[0:22:00] Lois: in the home or if you’re a teacher listening and in the classroom, if you take the time to know your child’s love language, the behavior from them is going to be, well, I shouldn’t say it’s going to be different because I don’t know your child, but I will say that according to all the studies that they’ve done and all that, if a child feels that their love tank is full, they are going to be, um, more likely to obey when you ask them to do something, um, they’re going to be more likely to just be, uh, happier overall. Not that means that they’re never going to be upset. It’s just that when their love tank is full, they respond differently. So it does have it an impact on how disciplined they are when we asked them to do things. I’m not sure that I’m explaining that. Exactly right. But it does have something to do with their behavior, not just with Children, but with teens as well and
[0:23:14] Emily: even us.
[0:23:16] Lois: Absolutely. We don’t,
[0:23:19] Emily: when I’m aware of me having like some kind of headache or physical, like not feeling top notch or you’re feeling a little bit undervalued or under noticed by your loved ones around you. Sometimes I’m embarrassed by how easily I can get in a funk. Like you know, we talk about, we laugh about being angry, but how easily we can get emotionally or physically depleted and then we have to work that much harder to maintain like the fruit of the spirit and
[0:24:03] Lois: being true
[0:24:06] Emily: loving towards the people around us when our tank is feeling a little empty and it’s not any different for our little people or bigger team people,
[0:24:18] Lois: right? And this is something that as a mom of grown Children that I have kind of uh grappled with a little bit more over the last few years. As just kind of not necessarily walking through a lot of regret, but just kind of walking through. Did I love mm while that child was growing up? Did I love them in their love language? Because all my kids know that I love them, but did I make them feel loved even when I was disciplining them? Even when they were getting in trouble for something? Um because I’m sure that some of the hurts and scars that we give each other over the years, whether it’s as a parent or relationship or whatever is because there was a moment that um that may be the very thing that that shows us love was the very thing that was used to rebuke or take away or discipline us like you said before. So, um, just in that aspect and you may be wondering besides the fact that you can go on to five Love Languages dot com and find that out. But here, here are just like three tips before we start talking about the Love Languages of God. Here are just three tips um, that you can ask yourself, How do I personally most express my love to others, you know, think about that, just sit in that for a minute. How do I most often express love to others? What do I tend to get frustrated or to complain about when I’m not feeling loved? You know, maybe it’s, we don’t ever spend time together or it’s like the old song, you don’t bring me flowers anymore or you know, and then the third thing, um, what do I request most often? You know, what do I tend to request most often when I’m thinking about that, and if you think about those three things, you can begin to narrow down the best way that you receive love. one thing that I noticed as I’ve been re examining this over the last few years, one of the things that I thought was my love language, I thought that my primary love language was words of affirmation and I have found really in in recent years that really my primary love language, or one of the top two is physical touch without it being initiated by myself, I’m a hugger, you know, and but because I didn’t get a lot of affirmation growing up and everything was performance based what I did for God, what I did for my parents, how many times I sang if I was here and here, if I was at church every single time and all that, I misunderstood my primary love language, assuming that it was words of affirmation because there wasn’t a lot of affirming growing up. And I assumed that the words of affirmation were along with my need for approval. And then as I started to get healthier in my relationship with the Lord, I realized that’s not my primary love language, that was just me seeking approval because there was very little affirmation. So, I’m not really now, as I’ve, as I’ve grown older, I realize it’s always nice to hear, but somebody says, man, the way that you just blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I’m just a thank you. But it doesn’t, it doesn’t hit me. Um like it does when there’s a hug or something else, does that make sense? Yeah, I had to kind of get healthy before I realized what it
[0:28:29] Emily: was that makes so much sense.
[0:28:33] Lois: Full love language, what
[0:28:37] Emily: you said makes complete sense. I love how we can be, become more aware because it is important to be aware of ourselves and I think that gets downplayed in our the circles that we come from.
[0:28:52] Lois: Mhm. But
[0:28:53] Emily: it is important to look inside even and go, what do I need right now, and why am I, why am I seeking affirmation? And is this filling me up? And what would fill me up? And that’s really cool.
[0:29:08] Lois: Yeah. Yeah. And I think that for those, especially who were raised in environments where it was performance oriented, where it was very um based on what you were doing or not doing, we could very easily confuse the need for approval for words of affirmation. Now, words of affirmation may vary much. So be your primary love language. Um you’ll know that as you, as you get into looking at it a little bit more, but for me, that’s just a little side note of something that I have realized. So I don’t know if I because bobby and I were talking about it this week, and we were talking about, you know, does our love language change? And uh Gary chapman has been asked this before, and it’s not necessarily that your love language changes over the years. Um you just maybe become more aware of the things that we’re kind of in the way of you realizing what your primary love language is
[0:30:16] Emily: and what you need.
[0:30:18] Lois: Yeah, and little’s little’s need all five until you figure figure it out. Absolutely, yeah, but there are ways to find out your Children’s love language and a lot a lot of ways, as they’re getting a little bit older, and, you know, you will begin to see the things that they do for you. Mhm. And that just bring them joy and light up their eyes and that’s usually a really good indicator of how they receive love
[0:30:54] Emily: In the book about Children. They may make a note like not to try to determine your kids primary love language until they’re like eight I think. And on the website there is a test for you and there’s a test for your kids you can take to try to figure out your kids. So it’s super cool. But even with the littles that I have, I think they go through stages and it’s really fun to watch them. Even if I don’t know their primary love language right now, I know what my oldest is right now is acts of service. And then one of the twins is like physical touch and it’s just interesting how they grow through different needs.
[0:31:36] Lois: Yeah, I can’t recommend enough. So, if you have littles, I would just highly recommend even though it’s not a brand new book that you take the time to either read or listen To. The five love languages by Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell. And then there are several books by Ross Campbell for Children as well. Right? Um, and the, like I said earlier, the Five Love Languages of teens, If you’re having a hard time communicating with your teenager, um, you know, it’s not that we don’t love our Children, it’s not that we don’t love our teenagers or adult Children and we sometimes, I think want to get defensive, but I love you, you know, I love you, but if we’re not speaking to them in their love language, we can say that all day long and if they don’t feel loved, it’s just it’s just different and because we have tools and we can do something about it, we should
[0:32:37] Emily: absolutely, I’m so excited for the next part of this episode where we’re jumping into The five love languages and your relationship with God because your primary love language is also how you receive God’s love. He speaks all five love languages, but one of them probably means a lot more to you than another. So for personal example, my primary is quality time. And so when I am praying for someone else or comforting them, I pray over them that God would, God’s presence would be so felt and they would know God is there with them and he will never leave them. And isn’t it so amazing that God, you know, isn’t going to walk away and he’s not going to turn his back and he’s always loving you and see that’s just how I receive love. So I want them to feel the same thing and that’s there’s nothing wrong with a prayer like that. But it was kind of fun to realize like, oh, maybe they feel super loved by God by reading the scripture and knowing the affirmations that God is speaking over their heart and their life through truth. So it’s really fun to key in on how you’re relating to God and how you’re receiving his love and then you can posture your heart and make space too receive that and be aware of it. Yeah.
[0:34:17] Lois: one of the things that Gary talks about and I just recently listened again to one of his interviews um on a podcast. One of the things that he talks about in this book, the Love Languages of God. Um he talks about people’s salvation experiences and how we try to put everybody’s salvation experience in a box. And we compare because we are compare because we are people who compare humanly that we compare. Um or can compare um salvation experiences if somebody’s look this way or looked that way. And I I think specifically in the environment that people are raised in, in churches where there is a specific way, quote unquote that Salvation experience is supposed to look coming down the aisle, being at the altar, um crying tears. So you are broken and you know, all of these things and you have to say these certain things and all of that can look very different than someone else’s salvation experience, right? But let me, let me clarify, I am not talking about there are different ways to come to salvation, right? That is not what I’m saying. I believe beyond a shadow of a doubt that God draws us to himself. And because jesus came and died on the cross, he was buried, he rose again that because of that because he came and he was the perpetuation for our sin that we can come to God because of that. So I’m not, you know, there is only one way I am the truth the way and the life no one comes to the father, but through me, I believe that 100% Emily and I believe that 100%. So that is not what we’re talking about when we’re talking about someone salvation experience, right?
[0:36:28] Emily: You just so someone else might be moved like Lois said to tears or you might have a super um what’s the word? Just like head knowledge, like, Oh yeah, I believe that and it’s like you just make a decision and I’m going to follow jesus and it’s very it might logical,
[0:36:48] Lois: logical, that’s
[0:36:49] Emily: the word, it might look almost mechanical to someone else, but you don’t have to feel less than because your experience looks different than someone else’s
[0:36:59] Lois: right, you know and there have been people that they nobody they know the day the time where they were, some people even remember what they were wearing when they like when they came to christ others may know in their heart that they’ve confessed their sin to christ and they received him into their heart and their living for him but they can’t really tell you the quote unquote day or time that that took place. Um And what Gary is saying is that for some you know it could have been this major ah ha moment where they finally understood it and it was just overwhelming and there were tears and shouts of joy and a realization that you know, I have christ in my heart For others, it may have taken a long time of reading and understanding and coming to christ. I remember listening two um a salvation experience of Nabil Karesh who came to christ um and a few others that came to christ from the Islamic faith. And it wasn’t just, you know, it wasn’t through debate, it wasn’t through the just this overwhelming emotional moment, it was through years of having conversation with a roommate who was a believer who was patient and kind and but yet new scripture to the point where they could continue to speak truth in love into their lives. So basically what Gary is saying is that yes, salvation is only through christ, but people are drawn to the Father in in different ways, through quality time, through words of affirmation, receiving the active service, understanding what christ did for them by dying on the cross, the ultimate acts of service. Um, and so these are the things that I think are important in our relationship with the Lord and how we receive love from him.
[0:39:58] Emily: I love talking about our connection to God. So often we do look at how someone else relates to him and assume that’s how we should be. And I think I get sideways looks, but I like to oftentimes talk about, it’s not, it might not be your thing to read your bible first thing in the morning and it might not be your thing to spend a lot of time doing it. And we’re so programmed to like that being the way that you spend time with God. No, I think a lot of people feel guilt over like not doing it more, or while this really isn’t that life giving, not that not setting the bible isn’t life giving, but maybe it’s not your thing too read and pray for hours at a time and your thing is gifts or something like that. So it’s kind of similar to the Salvation experience thing, where we all have different things that we key in on different things that make us feel really alive and connected and that’s really important.
[0:41:07] Lois: Yeah. And it makes us, when do we feel most connected to God? I’ve heard over the years, You know, I just don’t I just don’t feel close to God. Well, let’s sit in that for a minute. First of all, find out what your primary love language is and and beyond um purposefully walking away or continuing in sin that you’re in, you know, beyond those things. If those things are not part of the issue, why why do you feel disconnected from him? Okay, so look at your primary love language because he speaks all of them. He created he created love. God is love. Right? So look at that and and go, okay, why why do I feel distant from him? Do I feel distant from him? Because I expected something to go this way and it went this way, you know, do I? And and ask yourself those questions a couple of really good questions that I mentioned earlier. Now we can apply in the book by Gary chapman, the love languages of God to that. For example. Um, how do I most often expressed my love to God for everybody. That’s different? How do I? Um or what do I most often complain to God about regarding my relationship with him? And what do I request of God most often concerning my relationship with him? So, here’s an example. Gary gave this example recently I heard it, which was really good and I don’t remember if the wife was already a believer or if the wife and the husband came to christ at the same time. So I’ll just give that little mentioned there that I can’t remember exactly that part of the story, but I do remember that she was quality time and so and quality time in like words of affirmation. So her having her quiet time and reading from God’s word and hearing him speak to her through his word and all that was just that just spoke the love of God to her tremendously. And she was frustrated with her husband that he wasn’t spending all this length of time doing the same thing that she was doing right now. He was listening, you know, and all this, but he was she was getting frustrated because he was um giving to christian organization after christian organization and he was giving financially more here and here all of that. And she’s just like, you know, talking about him earning his time with God by giving financially and when they really broke it down with the counselor, it was he is a gifts guy, that’s how he receives love. And so so when he received the love of christ, because of christ work on the cross in his heart and mind, I have these resources so I’m going to give back financially so that the church and these organizations can do what God has called them to do, you know? And so that was his connection, you know, and yes, there is, there’s something to be said and we should practice all the spiritual disciplines in those things, but that, you know, it’s not always gonna look the same for each person.
[0:44:56] Emily: I love how this is kind of coming together. It’s so important that we don’t do the cookie cutter thing because we have a tendency like you said as human beings just to compare how am I doing? Am I doing ok? How is so and so what should I be doing? Oh should I be doing that to
[0:45:17] Lois: you know
[0:45:18] Emily: stay stay in our lane? What is God asking you to do? What is filling you up and what is helping you connect with God so that you can love others wall and love others. Like when
[0:45:34] Lois: the Holy Spirit Yeah and we come back to the Holy Spirit episode. I mean every episode we come back to the Holy Spirit because he is speaking to each one of us through God’s words through um circumstances based on what we’re learning from God’s word. And so as he speaks to you, you respond, I am a, I told you my, one of my primaries is physical touch. What I when I began to read the love languages of God, one of the things that Gary chapman says is that those some that are physical touch and of course I love music and have been involved in music all my life when I when I step into a worship service or if I step into individual worship in my home and I tell Alexa to play whatever worship song. Um uh that is just those are the times where I feel most close to the father because it’s that emotive physical touch between heaven and earth like psalm 100 says make a joyful noise unto the Lord. All ye lands serve the Lord with gladness come before his presence with singing know ye that the Lord, he is God, is he who has made us and not we ourselves. And it goes on so my moments personally where I feel that strongest connection with God is through music and through the lyrics and yes, through my reading of his scripture in his love letter to us and then somebody may be standing right next to in worship who is quiet and their hands are down and they’re not moving all over the place like lois is does that mean that, oh well she’s just doing it for show or he’s just not into worship. No, again, it is your own individual personal relationship with the Lord. And someone could be standing in worship taking in everything and just feeling the love of the father, but they’re not necessarily emotive. That’s not, that’s not who they are right because we do express our love to God in different ways.
[0:48:06] Emily: I love it. I hope people go take the test and I hope this has opened up the love languages in a fresh way to them if they haven’t thought about the love languages and the relationship with God, because it’s really cool to think about and be reminded just what you’re doing doesn’t have to look like someone else’s and your connection to God doesn’t have to be measured by how you worship, how long you read your bible and those kinds of metrics.
[0:48:44] Lois: Yeah, I would love to share this story from Gary chapman’s book on the Love Languages of God specifically about music because this is kind of my lane of how I express my love to God. And, and he talked specifically about corporate worship, which we both know has been a hot topic for several years now. And there’s been conversations about, um, well, in certain circles, there’s been conversations about what is true worship and what isn’t, and we should stick with the hymns or we should only sing this or we should only sing worship courses or we should do this or that. Um and again, this goes back to expressing, he says, expressing the rhyme and the rhythm of our hearts to God. And he, he shares this story. There is much discussion in some christian circles about the contemporary emphasis on so called praise and worship music as opposed to the use of hymns of the church is either better than the other. Perhaps a lesson from history would be helpful for us. When Isaac Watts was 18 years old, It was the year 1692. He refused to sing during the church services. One sunday morning, his father rebuked him for not singing. Isaac answered that the music was not worth singing, That the psalms did not rhyme. They were wooden. They were awkward in their form and their phrase, now, this is 1692 and Isaac’s in trouble with his dad at 18 because he’s not singing in church. This is what Senior Watts said. Those hymns were good enough for your grandfather and your father and they will have to be good enough for you. The 1692, you guys, this was not 2021. They will never do for me father, regardless of what you and your father thought of them. His father said, if you don’t like the hymns we sing, then write better ones. He said, I have written better one’s father. And if you will relax and listen, I will read one to you. Isaac told his father he’d been reflecting on the song of the Angels in Revelation, chapter five versus six through 10 and had rewritten it, giving it rhyme and rhythm. Behold the glories of the lamb amidst his father’s throne, prepare new honors for his name and songs. Before unknown, his astonished father took Isaac’s composition to the church and the following sunday, the congregation loved it so much that Isaac was asked to bring another the next sunday and the next And the next for over 222 consecutive weeks. Wow! Today, Isaac Watts is considered the father of modern hems. 300 years later, the young Isaac Watts of Our day are writing praise and worship music. The music expresses the rhythm and the rhyme of their hearts. Those of us who have been accustomed to the hymns of Isaac Watts would do well to follow the example of Isaac’s father and let the youth of our generation lead us into some fresh expression of praise in so doing we may allow them to bless the church For the next 300 years. Praise is not a matter of form. Praise is a matter of the heart.
[0:53:05] Emily: Yeah, wow, that is so powerful. I
[0:53:10] Lois: love that. And that’s just when of the love languages of how we express our love to the father and how we receive love for him from him. Yeah,
[0:53:25] Emily: this is one of those episodes that I’m going to want to listen to just to be reminded of God’s love for us,
[0:53:30] Lois: wow. And people say well you guys sure are talking about love and grace a lot and I go back to the verse in scripture from last week’s episode. They will know we are christians by our love, right? You can speak truth all you want to but truth without love. As 1st Corinthians 13 says is a clanging Cymbal. It’s a gong
[0:54:07] Emily: right?
[0:54:08] Lois: It’s just a it’s an annoying sound. So I’m so thankful for the love language is that God created. And I know that those specific terms aren’t necessarily in the bible. You can’t go to the bible and say in, you know, The first chapter of such and such. It states that these are the five love languages of God. But if you read the bible enough, you see the beautiful story of his love, that tapestry being weaved all the way through scripture, yep,
[0:54:50] Emily: thank you for suggesting this topic. I’m sure it will be a blessing.
[0:54:56] Lois: It’s also a reminder to me as a mom, as a wife, as a soon to be g ma or whatever I’m going to call myself um, and as a sister in christ two, um get to know those around me even more and be reminded that I need to love them in their love language for their tanks to be full and for them to walk away from a time with me knowing that they are loved.
[0:55:28] Emily: What a good aspiration. Let’s wear love this week.
[0:55:32] Lois: Yeah, let’s wear love
[0:55:34] Emily: and friends. Please help us out, go tag brian on twitter and tell him that we are having a dad joke face off at the RFP meet up in bourbon Missouri.
[0:55:51] Lois: Yeah. Just tell him you can’t wait until he and Emily have their dad joke face off. He will have no idea what you’re talking about and it will be awesome. It was great.
[0:56:02] Emily: Have a great week. Friends.
[0:56:04] Lois: Yes, I have an awesome week and we’ll see you next time.