[0:00:00] Emily: Hi there Friends and welcome to this week’s episode of the R. F. W. P. Where we are seeking truth and finding God’s heart. I’m your host Emily Louis and with me is my co host.

[0:00:11] Lois: Lois Mcnair. Hi guys. Hi, I’m so excited to read onscreen.

[0:00:19] Emily: I know. Recording video.

[0:00:21] Lois: Recording video. So is jazz hands?

[0:00:28] Emily: Jazz hands. I guess that’s what you get

[0:00:31] Lois: you get jazz hands when you get video. Just kidding. Okay. So I know we normally do micro Joys but I’m going to save our Micro joy, my micro joy to the end because I need to get straight into a hot take. Am I allowed to do that? Am I allowed to just revamp here and just go a different direction?

[0:00:52] Emily: Go ahead.

[0:00:53] Lois: Okay, so this weekend, this past weekend. Mhm. Um You sent me a message and you were like, I’m just laughing this off and blah blah blah. But I knew better. I knew that maybe you were trying to laugh it off but you weren’t but you weren’t laughing it off and because I’m old enough to be your mom. Um Or maybe we could just say a much older sister, but I just had a birthday. So technically I’m really old enough to be your mother. Um I went all mama bear because I’ll be honest. It ticked me off. It ticked me off. It was like just ridiculous and unnecessary. Not a bit of it is true. You know my dad always try to talk to us, Always try to tell us that if we received criticism. You know, maybe look at look at it as objectively as possible. See if there’s any truth to it, work on that and the rest of it just let it go. But I can just there was no truth to this. No truth whatsoever. And I haven’t even known you an entire year, but we’ve had enough transparent heart to heart real conversations that I know this isn’t true. And you know what, I’m going to read some of it because it takes me off that much. Okay, so don’t come Emily on this. You want to come at anybody on this? If you ever hear this episode, you come at me because we will talk because if truth be told, honestly I feel sorry for this person, they must be miserable. And I’m not saying that in a caddie way. Seriously? Must be miserable. Well we’re going to talk about that a little bit later. So this I think it was response to two you reading or finishing up Biblical Womanhood.

[0:03:08] Emily: Yeah. And what’s funny is I made comments about that and this new Cinderella movie because I absolutely loved the new Cinderella movie. They just handled disrupting

[0:03:23] Lois: gender tropes.

[0:03:25] Emily: Yeah, yeah. They disrupted it so well and had me laughing and cheering So I posted about it and when I posted and I was like, wonder if this is going to get me in trouble with somebody lo and behold it was somebody who I have no idea watches my content.

[0:03:42] Lois: Yeah. Well, okay, so you posted this, this picture of your biblical womanhood book, talked about the Cinderella movie, which when you talked about that, it made me want to watch it because I loved all things Cinderella, but I loved the way that this one was portrayed as well. Plus I loved the music because they used a lot of classic music in it. When I say classic, I don’t, I don’t mean classical, just classic rock music. Anyway, so they respond to your real instagram real and say, so all of this coming from a stay at home mother. Okay. Who spends her days raising babies and making Tiktok videos? What do you know about modern day feminism? I’m just like, do you do you know anything about Emily she doesn’t as not a stay at home mom because she feels like she’s forced to be a stay at home mom. It’s a choice. And can I just tell you girlfriend, whoever you are, uh, she has a side business that’s actually doing very well. So, okay. Whatever

[0:05:09] Emily: you know, I did feel a little bit like, wait, did she just call me dumb because I’m a stay at home mom.

[0:05:18] Lois: Come on. You

[0:05:20] Emily: can do better than that. If you’re going to insult somebody.

[0:05:22] Lois: Yeah. Then she says it’s sad watching your videos and how much you honestly think women in the church are oppressed. Hello, read the room.

[0:05:32] Emily: They are,

[0:05:34] Lois: they are. Maybe because she maybe she doesn’t feel like she’s oppressed and I don’t know this, but maybe she doesn’t feel like she’s depressed because she does what she wants to during the week and is different, you know? Uh, anyway, on Sundays, maybe if you took some time off your phone, that’s funny to me because like, wait, didn’t you have your phone on to look? So you’re just jealous that she’s making reels and Tiktok videos. Anyway, maybe if you took some time off your phone and actually had real conversation with real humans, you would realize we aren’t all as miserable as you paint us out to be. And I’m thinking just in that first paragraph, pretty sure you’re miserable the way that you’re attacking somebody else.

[0:06:28] Emily: Because if you work like it.

[0:06:31] Lois: Yeah. Okay. Not you might have to beat this next part. Okay. Oh, and then she sends a P. S. You and Bill totally flubbed over our youth group kids. So while you’re over there dancing to Liz oh, hey, Emily, Do you know who lizzo is?

[0:06:56] Emily: I had to look it up.

[0:06:58] Lois: Did you just use one of your tracks or something?

[0:07:01] Emily: Something? It must have been a trending audio and I used it for a real.

[0:07:05] Lois: So while you’re over there dancing to live a lizzo and in quotation marks, living your best life. Uh, the rest of us are picking up your pieces and just trying to keep these kids going in life. So thank you Emily, thank you for being such an amazing hope dealer and obviously that was said with much sarcasm. Okay, I will just tell you when I read that it’s a good thing. I wasn’t driving because I would have been off in the ditch because I was so upset when I read that I know your story, I know the amount of time that you stayed at your former church and tried to walk those kids in youth group through what graces and out of legalism and out of judgmentalism. So I am sorry if if anybody flubbed up the youth group, it was all the doing years prior that you guys were trying to undo and you stayed at that church much longer then you really wanted to because of your heart for your students and because of your heart for that body of christ and if they don’t see that then they are truly blind to what Grace actually is. So I’m just gonna say it here. If anybody is flubbed up um it’s not because you and Bill finally chose to leave, it’s because of the narrative that has been Spoken in their lives and in their ears for years and so they don’t know how to navigate life in a healthy way. They don’t realize and it’s not their fault. I’m just gonna say it up. It’s not it’s not their fault. I worked with teenagers for 26 years teenagers are some of my favorite people, college students are some of my favorite people and most of the time when they’re struggling with stuff, it’s because of a narrative that has been given to them and they’re told to do one thing, but they watch somebody as an example and what that person is doing, who should be the adult in this situation is doing something opposite of what they’re hearing that they should do. It’s like do what I tell you, but don’t do as I do well, what I say, don’t do as I do

[0:09:59] Emily: right. And also getting burnt out. Like these kids get burnt out on the formula roll fast and very few make it through the formula of if you do these things, your life will be great or if you just read your bible more, you know, things will turn around for you and that trying and trying and trying, that system of performance based acceptance. That is not the gospel, That is not the way that God has things set up. That’s what screws people up, yep.

[0:10:36] Lois: Yeah, but screwed up is not what was used in that message to, you know, just

[0:10:43] Emily: saying it was not, it was not

[0:10:46] Lois: so yeah, you know what actually we’re going to talk about this a little bit more when we get into our content here in a few minutes, but most of the time when people are struggling with that, it’s like you said, we can’t keep the formula, that’s the law. The formula is the law and and the new testament tells us that the law leads to death. It’s grace and who jesus says the truth and what he came to do and fulfilled the law because he knew we couldn’t, that’s what leads to grace

[0:11:29] Emily: and that’s what leads to life. Right? True life abundant life. Right?

[0:11:36] Lois: Good girlfriend. You were going to have to stop because I will, I will keep going, I will keep going. So we need to have a happy. I think you need to talk about our merch, not march our merch,

[0:11:51] Emily: I almost forgot. Yes, guys, run, go to sister seeker dot com forward slash shop and go get yourself some merch. We have t shirts, hoodies, coffee mugs, so many fun things and some designs that you’re going to love wearing and wrap the pod, the podcast rep

[0:12:17] Lois: rep the pod hashtag rep the pod. Actually, we got a message from one of our faithful guy listeners that said if we used some neutral colors and some stuff, he would be wrapping the pod. So, and you know, I like that because I’m, it’s funny because I’m wearing some pink tonight, but I’m, I’m really not a pink person even though we have a pink mic and that’s part of our logo. I think we just kind of inherited that thought process. Um but that’s okay. That’s okay. We’ll do some neutral stuff too because we want our guys rep in the pod.

[0:12:57] Emily: Absolutely.

[0:12:59] Lois: So yes, go get some merch and it will be in our show notes of where you can go.

[0:13:07] Emily: Yes.

[0:13:08] Lois: Okay. Since we’re doing shout outs our very first video that went up last week from the live session. Oh my goodness. You gotta tell everybody about josh and how amazing he is.

[0:13:27] Emily: Absolutely josh from loot box. Creative filmed and edited that. And we are so excited to be partnering with him. Uh, if you’re not watching on Youtube, you have to go check out Uh, episode 31 to see the awesome job that he did. But I want to tell you about the ministry that he’s created and you might think how do you create a ministry with like sound and audio and recording? And he has taken because he knows churches like trying to reach as many people as they can through media that they have this great need. And maybe they can’t afford to bring on a media team yet. So he’s trying to fill that gap with his team of experts. Their system allows any size church to step into multimedia ministry without spending tens of thousands on creative staff and gear, helping you steward your congregation’s money wisely. It’s not about being trendy, it’s about meeting people right where they’re at. And it’s about hitting culture head on and redeeming it for a worthy message. So go check out loot box creative dot org and see what josh can do for your church or your ministry?

[0:14:47] Lois: That’s awesome. Can So can we put josh’s information in our show notes for our um yeah, on on our audio, you’ll find it in the show notes. And then also on our video. That’s crazy that we’re seeing video. Like, keep forgetting that we’re on video because we’re not normally right. Anyway,

[0:15:11] Emily: you get just us. We’re not we’re not gonna be any different. We keep forgetting recording.

[0:15:17] Lois: No, I will say though, that, you know, and they put a little makeup on now and again,

[0:15:23] Emily: I definitely

[0:15:25] Lois: did not that you’re not special enough Emily for me to put makeup on. You know, when, when it’s just you and I talking. But which

[0:15:34] Emily: made me laugh because we don’t I mean, I don’t usually. It’s lois we’re good.

[0:15:43] Lois: Yeah, we’re good. So, um we talked a little bit about mm what are subject was going to be tonight and I sent you a text today, kind of half sarcastic, kind of half serious about what we were going to name it. Um, but I’m just going to shout it out here. So the name of tonight’s episode is keeping up appearances. 21st Century Pharisees. There you

[0:16:20] Emily: go. There you go. And the minute you sent me that, the minute you sent me that I was like, oh, I have all these ideas. What about this book? I read in this quote that I just read this morning? And And then 20 minutes later I was like, Hey, were you serious or were you being sarcastic? Because my mind went into yes, let’s roll with this. I realized it could have a double meaning to

[0:16:46] Lois: and I responded back yes and yes. So yeah, so that a little bit about what we’re talking about tonight. Just keeping up appearances and I’m just going to tell you ahead of time. We’re not talking about clothing tonight. Keeping up appearances. His talking about

[0:17:11] Emily: Yeah. What you present to other people?

[0:17:13] Lois: What? Yeah,

[0:17:16] Emily: uh huh. So I like to read a verse from Luke 17 verse 33, Whoever tries to make his life secure will lose it and whoever loses his life will preserve it. Or the king James says whoever tries to find his life will lose it and whoever loses his life will find it. And thinking about finding who you really are, you will find that if you give up your life in christ, if you lose your, if you gain your identity from christ, you will find your truest self. Yeah.

[0:18:00] Lois: So recently have been listening to a sermon series called Me My true self and God. And it talks about not hiding anything from God or from, well we can’t really hide anything from God. But sometimes we think we can or write other believers and we’re not talking about just like standing up on sunday morning and giving this laundry list of things that we’ve done wrong during the week. But just being who we are in christ and being ourselves instead of trying to keep up appearances instead of trying to keep up with the joneses, but in a spiritual context, you know, um wearing a mask instead of just wearing a mask on sunday morning, um or being a poser, you know, used to call this lantern being a Poser because we respond were were one way during the week and then we put on our church clothes and head out and give up. I guess I did talk about clothes

[0:19:14] Emily: because God wants our

[0:19:17] Lois: best, we’ve got to put our best on for sunday morning.

[0:19:21] Emily: So this conversation is kind of a continuation of what we talked about an episode 29 about giving God your true self and how you can be real and Ron honest with God and this is kind of taking that to keeping up appearances and how we keep up our parents with other people and hoping to, I don’t know, look a certain way, be approved of by how we’re presenting ourselves, so that maybe people don’t see the things that they might be judgmental over.

[0:19:57] Lois: Yeah, and I think it goes beyond just being approved of, I think it in um some churches, it’s just, it’s an expectation. And so the environment itself in that particular church is not one of grace, it is of judgmentalism and condemnation. And so because we walk in fear of that, then we get used to being a poser. We get used to pretending we get used to needing to keep up appearances because yes, somewhat for approval but more so out of fear that somebody will find out who we really are.

[0:20:44] Emily: Yeah, there it’s dangerous. It feels risky and there’s always risk involved with vulnerability because someone might not steward your story well and someone might say something that cuts or but yeah, you’re right

[0:20:59] Lois: like like um like the hot take that we talked about tonight.

[0:21:05] Emily: Yeah, maybe.

[0:21:07] Lois: Yeah. But when we try to keep up appearances were not becoming more like christ mm And in Galatians five where we read about the Fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, long suffering, patience, goodness, faithfulness. Um kindness. I’m sure I’m missing some um do that could be a metaphor in itself. I’m missing some of the fruits of the Spirit. Um but it’s a it’s a that’s the Fruit of the Spirit. Those things are a fruit of the Spirit. Those things are when we are becoming our true self. If we’re becoming more like christ when we’re trying to keep up appearances, we’re not living the fruits of the Spirit, we’re living a checklist,

[0:22:16] Emily: you know right? Yeah, we’re trying to force this fruit out, we’re trying to squeeze it out and this morning I went on a quick walk before my husband went to work, I just needed some space and you know, just get ready for the day. And as I was walking on my way home I started praying and I was just like God, I need you to flow through me and I need your fruit. You know the fruit of the spirit to come out of me today as I’m squeezed and pressed and little people need me or this or that thing happens because the fruit in me isn’t the fruit of the spirit like naturally. So I need God to flow through me.

[0:22:59] Lois: You know, that’s so good that you just authentically talked to the father on your walk, you know, because truth of matter is yeah, when we get in that judge mentalist spirit or we are in an environment that that is portrayed. We honestly think that when we go to the father that we can pose in front of him or that we can wear a mask in front of him or that we can keep up appearances in front of him. I tend to think, you know, he must get so tickled when he’s going. Um you know, I say you write like I see all the way into you. Right? So, so why are you trying to pose, you know what you’re doing? And so I love the fact that you just talk to him and say I need you, I need more of you. I want to reflect the fruit of the spirit. I would reflect, help me to be who I need to be today

[0:24:16] Emily: and with, you know, forgetting that God always sees us. Sometimes we forget that I didn’t realize you had said sometimes we forget at the beginning you made a comment like sometimes we forget that we’re faking it because we’ve just worn this persona or this, this smile for so long that we don’t, we almost forget to feel, we forget how to feel and like I didn’t know I was faking it, I couldn’t recognize that. I mean I would go to church exhausted and just try to put on the smile and looking back, I realized, oh I was totally just trying to make it through and I couldn’t show up as my real exhaust itself. You have to look the part or even like that. That gets exhausting whether or not, you know, you’re doing it, you know?

[0:25:14] Lois: Yeah, it is exhausting. And again it goes back to the putting on the face for sunday morning, we’re putting on the mask for sunday morning and uh kind of being a poser, I know that sounds really harsh, but um, and it is exhausting

[0:25:40] Emily: right? And

[0:25:41] Lois: because we’re not being our true self in the father, we’re not being transparent Yeah. And I think it’s a lot of times, I think it’s because we feel like we’re in a judgmental and I mentioned this earlier, but a judgmental condemning type of environment um that I think you do, you do what you feel like you have to do to fit the mold to fit into. Um, because because our spiritual growth is based on the things that we do not our true self in christ

[0:26:30] Emily: right? And as hard and as, yeah. And as hard and as risky as being completely transparent and completely yourself is, it’s a whole lot more tiring to be somebody. You’re not just trying to fit the mall, trying to fit the, I don’t know, play the part and back to the not knowing I was doing that. Uh, things like I’ve had almost, I don’t know. Can you call it a personal crisis? That sounds a little bit dramatic, but just like, what do I actually enjoy? What do I like? Do I enjoy playing the piano? Do we, do I enjoy uh, cooking or was I taught, you know where those just my choice. So I adapted because I do enjoy those things. But those are the things that go through your head or like a tattoo. I’ve never wanted a tattoo. But then I think wait, because I was never allowed to. So it’s not that I decided I didn’t want one, it was just not not approved of. So you convince yourself that you fit the mold. Does that make sense?

[0:27:41] Lois: Yeah. You know, when you, when you mentioned that it’s exhausting, it reminds me, Okay, so two movie references here. Okay, so it reminds me of two things. One, one of my favorite movies is the help. It’s hard for me to watch it, but it’s good for me to watch it because it’s the truth of what was going on in the south during the jim Crow laws and all that. And The Help are the maids and so all these women are trying to keep up appearances, you know, you’ve got to do it this way and you’ve got to do it this way and you’ve got to have the charity and you’ve got to, you know, have the, you know, your maids got to, you know, look this way in this and you know what will the other women think? So you’re constantly keeping up appearances. And there’s one part in the movie where there’s one character in particular that is just so over the top trying to keep up appearances because she’s trying to be better than everybody else. She’s trying to look whatever part she is supposed to look. And one of the maids in the movie after this heightened moment just looks at her and just says, aren’t you tired? Mhm. Like basically aren’t you exhausted trying to keep up appearances because you assume that’s what you need to do, like for whatever reason for approval or to fit in or to just make it look like your spiritual and and so when we were talking about that and preparing for tonight, it just reminded me of like, ain’t you tired? You know? And I just want to make

[0:29:40] Emily: like I even have this on the intro of abundant grace uh just sometimes the load of Christianity gets heavy like that carrying around that burden that jesus came to set us free from that jesus came to bear. That’s, that’s what we want to do is help you take that load off and that’s because it’s what jesus does, it’s not something we can do for you, but we would love to speak that truth in life and freedom into you so that you don’t have to be exhausted because yes, we are called to bear our cross with christ and we are to die to ourselves daily that we can find ourselves in him, but that doesn’t mean every day is just a drag or every day feels like a performance and heavy and hard and like almost like we’re exalting the difficult and patting ourselves up on the back of it’s hard

[0:30:40] Lois: Yeah, because then what do you do with versus that say my my yoke is easy and my burden is light. What do you do with versus that, that um, I came to give life and give it to the full, I came to give life and give it abundantly, you know, of course you’ve grasped that Emily because you know, you’re just living your best life

[0:31:01] Emily: now

[0:31:03] Lois: I’m sorry, I had to go there,

[0:31:06] Emily: y’all if you’re not living your best life and this isn’t in a like pull yourself up by your bootstraps kind of a thing, But like you have the power to change your life if your life is miserable, if you’re miserable enough to lash out to somebody else, maybe.

[0:31:25] Lois: Okay, that was the time to be you have to be transparent, you have to be transparent to be able to do that. The other movie reference about um, not knowing. And you had mentioned earlier, you know, do I like to play the piano do or is this just what I did? Because I wasn’t allowed to do anything else or this or that it reminds me of the movie Runaway Bride. Okay. And do

[0:31:54] Emily: you know what movie you’re talking

[0:31:56] Lois: about? My non movie co host here? So, in the in the movie Runaway Bride, the character of Julia roberts. So you’ve got um Richard Greer, who is this journalists? And he’s coming to find out like who she really is, Why does she keep running? And one of the things that he does is he goes, and he um kind of confront her like, you don’t even know what you want. You don’t even know who you are. And she’s like, well, of course I know who I am. Of course I know what I want. So, one of the things that he does, the character of Richard Greer, he goes to all of her ex fiancees, mm and asks her, asks them not her, he asked her later, but asks them, you know, how does she like her eggs and every every fiance gives a different type of eggs. Like she likes her eggs fried. She likes eggs Benedict. Oh she likes scrambled with cheese, just like me. You know? And and then he’s like you’re you’re being who everybody else wants you to be, You’re trying to fit the mold. You’re wearing a mask, You’re being a poser. And she gets all defensive because isn’t that what we do? We get defensive because we don’t want to have the trauma of transparency or who were really just need to be ourselves in christ and who we are. Until then further along in the movie when she gets off her high horse and stops defending what she’s saying that she’s not doing mm hmm. She sits down and she orders every type of egg that you can imagine so that she knows what she really likes. And I use that silly movie reference. But the truth of the matter is when we are in an environment where there is a constant condemning spirit and we’re afraid of messing up or people seeing our true self or there’s a critical spirit or we’re fitting the mold and we’re fitting the mold so long that we don’t really know our true self in christ. Um that is exhausting and it’s not how christ wants us to live. It’s not how he it’s not why he came to free us from the condemnation of the enemy. Um I don’t know. I think I’m going off on a tangent a little bit here, but that the truth of the matter is um in we have to stop trying to keep up appearances. We have to stop trying to be on all the time because of other people’s expectations or this or that. And I’m not saying that there’s never a time where we have to kind of plug in and you know,

[0:35:13] Emily: read the room,

[0:35:15] Lois: read the room. Yeah, but do Deuteronomy chapter six verse four. This is our main thing to be our true self, to not worry about being Keeping up Appearances, which puts us into Being a 21st century Pharisee, like the book that you’ve referred to multiple times, accidental pharisee right? It just basically and we complicated, but it basically boils down to hear O Israel the Lord our God. The Lord is one. You shall love the Lord, your God with all your heart, with all your soul and with all your might and these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. So if we are truly loving the Lord, not trying to impress him, not trying to be approved by people at church. You know, if we’re truly loving him with all our hearts, with all our soul, with all our mind, with all our strength, then we are being genuine. We are being transparent. We are being um who God wants us to be because we’re so focused on loving him genuinely. we don’t have time to fake and be a poser and end up being an accidental pharisee because we think we have to stand on the street corner and dress certain way and look a certain way and pray a certain way on a certain day, so everybody sees that instead of who we are

[0:37:25] Emily: and the pharisee thing comes into play too when we yeah, maybe maybe you don’t do this, but I sometimes get real critical of somebody else over something that I struggle with and if God is calling

[0:37:42] Lois: with that cause projection that’s called projection and me and you know, we, we, we project onto other people and get upset with them about something that we’re the ones actually dealing with it.

[0:37:55] Emily: Exactly, and then we’re judgmental towards somebody who is doing the same thing that we’re doing and we can just get so focused on what they’re doing and we forget, oh wait, this is this is me, this is a me and God project to work on, not not them, like I don’t need to be working on them, I need to be seeing what God is trying to show me about me, not like looking around being the fares right,

[0:38:25] Lois: you know, and and here’s the thing, we all, we all do this to some degree at some point in some situation or whatever because we are not perfected and completely matured and perfected um in christ as we will be when we get to heaven. So there are certain things that we will always struggle with but constantly reminding ourselves should just be who we are in christ, you know not what somebody else thinks about us or you know Because I certainly don’t want to be a 21st century Pharisee you know I don’t wanna be that person um I want to be the person who is being my true self in christ because I’m becoming more like him because I’m portraying the fruits of the spirit not portraying, but I am living out the fruits of the spirit portraying the right word portraying is what we’re trying to get away from

[0:39:38] Emily: you. Can I read you this quote, this is from Grace for the Good girl by Emily P Freeman, Grace for the girl. Yeah, letting go of the try hard life.

[0:39:53] Lois: Oh girlfriend yes,

[0:39:55] Emily: yeah, my sister, let me borrow it and I’m a chapter in and I read this this morning. So when you said keeping Up appearances, I was like I just read about that this morning. Uh but the way she ends this first chapter on are we hiding, are we hiding behind a mask? She says I was made to be distinctly someone. And so were you in the mind of God in his vision for the world, in his idea for the universe. He made you to go in it? He had in mind a particular you a true you an authentic accurate expression of himself, a woman who is more than just a watered down version of good. We’re trying to fit some other mold.

[0:40:44] Lois: Yeah. You know I understand that we as women, we end up in a lot of different roles. Um and so we, we end up wearing a lot of different hats, you know just, and, and and that’s fine but we shouldn’t have a matching set of masks to go along with the hats.

[0:41:11] Emily: There you go. Yeah, because

[0:41:16] Lois: because our christian walk is not a masquerade party where we’re trying to figure out who people really are and I know that being transparent and being genuine and being your authentic self can be scary but that’s a that’s a lie from the enemy that you’re not good enough in christ to be, who christ created you to be. So you’ve got to pose and pretend and fake somebody else or somebody else’s life.

[0:41:52] Emily: Yeah. You know the four temperament personality test. So I know you’re sanguine cleric and I’m cleric sanguine and I always, not always, but when I was younger I remember reading the description of the four different types and I looked at flag Matic and I just thought I want to be more like that rather than looking at the good qualities of the cleric sanguine. I looked at the good qualities of flag Matic and that I need to be like that instead. So there’s that temptation to mute yourself or fit and set a mold and I love that you just spoke that over me and everyone else. It is a lie that you are not enough. And it’s a lie that maybe people won’t like you if you show up as you or that there there is risk involved. We’ve already said that, but that you can show up as you because that’s exactly who God made you to be. And you will find your you will find your tribe, you will fit in with the right people when you are your true true self.

[0:43:07] Lois: That’s right. And God didn’t create you to be somebody else. I was just listening and I don’t even remember, but I was just listening to somebody today or yesterday and they literally said um that for a long time they tried to be who they thought they were supposed to be. And they kept being told that, you know, as a woman, as a female in the church, you need to be, you need to have more of a meek and quiet spirit. You need to be quieter. You need to be this. You need to be that of course versus taken out of context. Um Not that we shouldn’t have a making quiet spirit, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t ever be loud or you know, step up to the task or anything like that, that it was so wearing on her because she wasn’t allowed to be herself. Mhm. And I just that’s that’s got to be miserable, you know, it’s going to come out somewhere, it’s going to come out somewhere, you know it’s going to come out and other ways but that that’s not who God called us to be right now. So um instead of having a condemning and critical spirit towards others because they aren’t like you or you’re trying to fit some mold, be compassionate and caring and love people well and I’ve said this before, but I’m gonna say this to the guys and to the girls, but y’all we are not competitors in christ to see who can be the best christian. We are co laborers to walk together. Mhm. And the only way that we can walk together, you know the term it takes a village. The only way that we can walk together well in community is if we’re being honest right, that’s

[0:45:33] Emily: that’s manning’s get

[0:45:34] Lois: healed.

[0:45:36] Emily: Yes. Yes. And being honest with ourselves to so as you go about and maybe you realize you’re projecting onto someone else, Be gentle with yourself too, be gracious with yourself too. Um be honest, go because I think that fear and that shame um makes us not be honest because we’re afraid of the repercussions and the burden that that might bring if we are a certain way or if we admit we’re feeling a certain way of thinking a certain way of acting a certain way that keeps us hiding. We’re being honest. his, um, the first place we can acknowledge that and let go of the shame and let go of the fear and then show grace because we don’t, we can’t show grace to a place that we don’t know, we need it.

[0:46:36] Lois: Who say that again,

[0:46:39] Emily: We can’t show grace to a place we don’t know, we need it. That sermon series you mentioned, he said that

[0:46:47] Lois: too. Yeah, yeah, that’s so good. And, and I, and I’m gonna tell you to, if you, if you’re listening and you work with younger people or you have Children or you work with teenagers, you work with college students or maybe you are that college student. Um, just know like, yes, there are, Somebody is always watching, somebody’s always watching. You are always an influencer. Even if you don’t have, you know, 10,000 followers on Tiktok, that doesn’t mean, you know, people that have 10,000 followers on Tiktok aren’t necessary necessarily. That’s easy for you to say an influencer,

[0:47:33] Emily: but right,

[0:47:34] Lois: we all influence somebody. So that shouldn’t scare us. That shouldn’t be a condemning thing. It should just make us want to be more authentic as a christian and more genuine. And I’ll tell you right now, the younger generation, if they, for a moment sense that you are fake. They will hear nothing that you say about the gospel, nothing that you say about the gospel, nothing that you say about, um, maybe how to walk in life. and so you we’re not fooling them, we’re not fooling the younger generation, we’re not fooling um our influence and if you want to have influence in a positive way you can’t be a poser. Mhm You know Yeah I get I’m starting to feel like I want to get into this alliteration mode but you know you can’t be a poser because then you put out a product that’s not

[0:48:49] Emily: sustainable but that doesn’t start with a p

[0:48:53] Lois: it doesn’t no I’m just messing around but seriously, seriously though, you know, wrapping this up, loving the Lord with all our heart, soul, mind and strength means that he has every part of us because we want to give it to him and when he has control of every part of us we began to share the fruit of the spirit of love and joy and peace and there’s no room, there’s no fruit of the spirit that says poser or fake or keeping up appearances and there’s no place in the fruit of the spirit for the word pharisee. Mm Yeah so I don’t know go figure out which kind of eggs you like. Okay that’s

[0:49:52] Emily: what I was gonna say. Yes Yes if you have to sit down and listen to 20 genres of music or make yourself go to a restaurant or whatever it is. Yeah I love it.

[0:50:07] Lois: Or what version of the bible of you know the translations is most easy for you to read or the clothes that you enjoy wearing it and you feel handsome in or you feel beautiful in or I know this is just starting to sound random but it should influence every single part of our lives. Every strand, every moment, every relationship. Um just be yourself. It’s just who God has called us to be. I think back about when you and I first met the first time we were sitting on a screen across from each other right? I was like I got nothing to lose. This girl is either going to think I’m cray cray or we’re gonna click and you probably thought that but I told you straight up several times. I’m a lot

[0:51:18] Emily: and you’ve lived up to it.

[0:51:20] Lois: I

[0:51:25] Emily: wear that

[0:51:26] Lois: one. You know I told you I’m a lot and there there’s no reason to be somebody that you’re not be who God called you to be and allow who he wants you to be to shine through. You know allow his spirit to shine through you. I know it’s scary. I know you may have to just be honest with somebody and say you know what I’ve been faking this. This is not really who I am mm

[0:52:06] Emily: Yeah and be honest with yourself to with that discovery. Yeah. Right good. Thank you for hanging out with us friends and hope you discover something some way that God has made you this week and that he’s unique. Maybe this, this can be our open mic minute prompt for next week. What is something that you have learned to love about who God has made you to be? Maybe it’s a preference you have. Maybe it’s a personality quirk or just something that you know, you acknowledge and you say actually this is something that God made me uniquely um as an end and share it with us. Go to our social media, hit, hit us up in Messenger and record us a little voice note and we will play it on next week’s episode.

[0:53:07] Lois: Yeah. And make sure you do it in Messenger because that’s the best way for us to get it. And while you’re doing that, um make sure that you check out our merch and there will be information for you in our show notes, both on our um audio podcast and also on Youtube. I can’t believe I’m saying that Youtube channel.

[0:53:34] Emily: There we go. You

[0:53:37] Lois: know what? We need to close with

[0:53:39] Emily: Micro Joyce.

[0:53:41] Lois: Micro choice.

[0:53:46] Emily: All right,

[0:53:47] Lois: So my 30 seconds my micro joy this week. Um and probably will be for a few weeks. Is that the hummingbirds are back in our area. I have all my hummingbird feeders out and I love hummingbirds. They just bring me such delight. It just makes me happy. I’m a little obsessive. Mhm.

[0:54:10] Emily: This is fun. I love it. Yeah. Uh it’s such a different season because well, I guess we have hummingbirds here too. But it’s fun how they marguerite, you know you’re getting them just now. Yeah. My micro joy is I went to my cousin’s wedding this weekend and the downside was my kiddos were so sick, not so sick but they were sick enough that we couldn’t take him to the wedding. So my husband stayed home and I drove Two hours and 15 minutes ish to get there and then of course came home. I got that long drive all by myself, blasted music almost the entire way and had me some good time chatting with garden. It’s just my thing.

[0:54:57] Lois: It’s good it’s good away. It was their dance party at the wedding.

[0:55:02] Emily: There was there was I left shortly before because I wanted to get down off the mountain before it was dark because they had it at a ski resort. How fun

[0:55:11] Lois: is that? How fun is that?

[0:55:14] Emily: Super fun at one of the lodges? Yeah.

[0:55:19] Lois: Yeah well I want to hear about your micro joys to people so post them on social media so we can see them.

[0:55:27] Emily: Love it. Thanks again for hanging out with us and we’ll see you again next week.

[0:55:33] Lois: Alright guys, we’ll see you. Bye

[0:55:35] Emily: bye bye.